Born and brought up in a Christian family and was taught to believe in Christ since childhood, and asking this question after twenty two years is a serious concern. I decided to write on this topic today because I am currently under so much of confusion. I am writing this in the heat of the moment so that I will not miss out to record any feelings or thoughts that’s in my mind right now. Most importantly, hoping to remember God’s promises and find an answer at least before I finish writing.
Trusting God is something that’s not easily executable to someone when things are no longer in their control. One such scenario is marriage. All I know about marriage is it is the perfect gift one can get from God and it can make or break one’s life.
In most of the Indian families, it is parents who will find a match for their children based on the criteria that differ from family to family. And children are no greater than a lamb ( currently, I can’t get a better picture of myself than a lamb) crushed between their own will, parent’s will and God’s will, as a result loosing the courage to follow anyone’s choice.
I believe it would be a wise idea for me to calm down for a while to describe everyone’s will in order to analyse them and decide who’s will stands out to be promising than the rest.
My will– Honestly, there is nothing like “my will”. There is a lot of fear and anxiety that’s rushing my heart and shooting my blood pressure up that even led me to google stuffs like “what to look for to marry a christian guy?”, “10 things to know before you marry” etc.( I completely agree such posts are good check lists). First of all will this marriage really work? As I have personally seen many broken marriages and a few successful ones, my strong belief is to build a right career first. My thoughts on life and marriage is completely different from that of my mom’s and the people of my community. Should I marry someone from my cast only? I thought followers of Christ have no caste and language based difference. Can I pursue dancing as a parallel activity before/after marriage? Is it wrong to postpone marriage till I get matured enough to take up responsibilities ( At least till I am 25)? Should I really pay someone to marry me? Will I find someone whose thoughts matches with my thoughts?
Parent’s will– Parents look within the same caste for a right family, right guy in terms of character, job security (in my case with an additional concern to match my height). Their genuine motive is to secure their children’s life- as quickly as possible.
God’s will– Unpredictable! Remember 1 corinthians 2:16?
“for, Who has known the mind of the Lord so as to instruct him?” ..
God knows “my will” and “parent’s will”. I am just wondering whose “will” is gonna take place.As the psalmist says in psalms 37:4,5,
“Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, and He will do it.”
At the same time, Paul warns us in the letter written to Romans that our thoughts should not be that of this world. The actual problem starts only when we start comparing our lives with others. Romans 12:2,
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
When I am not sure about whose intuition to trust, it’s better to lean onto someone who knows my life better. And that someone can be none other than God himself. For he has promised in Jeremiah 29:11,
“I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for”
And most importantly, the powerful weapon that I have is prayer. Philippians 4:6,
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.”
God’s word is full of promises. Promises that he will fulfil for his loved ones. Next time when I start doubting God, reciting his word mentioned above can renew my mind to accept his will for me and trust him completely.